Letters from Iwo Jima (or Wan Chai ...)

I have been really wanting to write as of late, but have found myself with absolutely no time! So I'm making the unwise decision to take time out of my workday to jot down some thoughts in my head. Let's hope no one from the office is reading this ...

While I will go back and retroactively talk about my quick month in North America, I thought I'd write a little about my cultural training I took last Friday. Cultural training is a required element of my assignment, designed to assist with my integration into the local population. Many of you commented on some of the weird stuff that has happened here at the office, and while I still feel powerless against it, I at least feel like I understand it a little better. My thoughts can best be summarized in this faux letter written to me from my co-workers.

Dear AJ-

Thanks for coming to our office to help us out with all the work that has been piling up. We're happy you're here, however, we have a few items we'd like to make clear to you:

1. We don't trust you.

You're not a bad guy, but you have to realize that relationships take a long time to develop here. Heck, we're a culture that is thousands of years old. By comparison, you and your people are infants. Go suck on this teething ring, please.

2. We don't want to be your friend.

You get too friendly too easily, and it makes us nervous. We'll treat you to lunches for your first week, then you're on your own. Your definition of "friend" and ours is totally different. We met our friends when we were two years old and have seen each other daily since then. We could ask a friend for an unlimited amount of money and never expect to pay it back. We could commit murder in front of a friend and they'd do whatever they could to cover it up. You're a nice person, but if you're not going to help us get away with murder, then we're not "friends." Plus, we know you're only here for a few years. You're too much of a short-term investment.

3. We're more traditional than we think.

We in Hong Kong like to think we're closer to the west than China, culturally speaking. In reality, we're closer to the middle than we'd like to admit. We're very cosmopolitan, until you try to give us a clock as a gift or order an unlucky number of dim sum dishes -- then we get all spooky on your ass. And we're not all that down with the 'gay' thing. A few of us asked too many personal questions -- and now that we know we avoid you like you have SARS. No offense, right?

4. We're about results - not process!

We know you're trying to make order out of our crazy office, but we don't want it that way. We just want to get to the end as quickly as possible. We like to cut corners and rush through details just to get to the end goal. We're going to fight you tooth and nail if you ask us to do anything that takes up more time. Be prepared.

5. You're taking our money.

We're very financially motivated. We'll tend to marry as a financial investment first, love a distant second. You make more than us and you get to live in a fat apartment. We hate that. We don't see your value and would rather use that money ourselves for other stuff.

We realize we've made some broad generalizations about ourselves, but we want you to understand where we're coming from. Try to enjoy yourself here, but realize you're always going to be at the fringe of our society. Rather than trying to go native, please realize there are lots of expats out there in the same situation. Spit out that darn teething ring and go make some friends! You can give each other clocks as gifts and order weird numbers of dim sum dishes with abandon. Just as long as we're not around ...

All the Best,

The HK Office